Month 9 · Lead Leaders
Candid and Kind
Make hard conversations safer, sooner, and more useful without sacrificing truth or dignity.
Capacity being formed
Courageous Communication
Be candid and kind, ask better questions, repair quickly, and make expectations usable.
Evidence of formation
A delayed conversation produces clearer trust, ownership, and a dated follow-through without shame or ambiguity.
Language from Mike
“If you’re kind but not candid, you aren’t a very good leader.”
Biblical anchor · ESV
“Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ.”
Discovery tool
FACT Conversation
Rehearse a live conversation using FACT: Facts observed, Assumption owned, Curiosity invited, Target agreement.
Facts
State the observable behavior, time, place, and impact without motive language.
Coach: “Could the other person agree that a camera or record would show this?”
Assumption
Name your interpretation as an interpretation, not a verdict.
Coach: “What else could be true?”
Curiosity
Write two genuine questions and leave room for information that changes your view.
Coach: “What do you need to understand before prescribing?”
Target
Define the clear standard, their ownership, your support, and the review date.
Coach: “Can they repeat what good looks like and what happens next?”
No-prep facilitator guide
The complete 90-minute run-of-show
Bring the participant’s CT Scan result, this page, a timer, and a way to write. Read the coach language as written when useful; follow the person more closely than the clock when safety or truth requires it.
| Time | Phase | Coach does + says | Participant does |
|---|---|---|---|
| 0–7 | Arrive | Say: “This conversation is confidential within the limits we agreed. What would make these 90 minutes useful?” Then lead three slow breaths and a brief prayer. | Rate present intensity 0–10; name one desired outcome. |
| 7–15 | Witness | Ask for one piece of evidence since the last session. Reflect effort, choice, support, and result—without inflating it. | Name what changed, what helped, and what remains difficult. |
| 15–25 | Language | Read the Mike Signorelli line and Ephesians 4:15. Ask what each exposes or invites in the live situation. | Underline one phrase; explain it in your own words; choose the phrase you need today. |
| 25–45 | FACT Conversation | Guide the four fields in order. Do not interpret ahead of the participant. Start with: “Could the other person agree that a camera or record would show this?” | Write concise answers for all four fields using one current, concrete situation. |
| 45–57 | Locate | Ask the remaining tool prompts, then: “What is the pattern beneath the performance?” Allow silence. | Name the governing story, protection, motive, expectation, or system and the cost it creates. |
| 57–70 | Rehearse | Run the entire first five minutes of the real conversation. Coach pauses whenever facts become character judgments, curiosity becomes cross-examination, or kindness becomes vagueness. | Practice the new response out loud; receive feedback; repeat until the first step is clear and natural. |
| 70–82 | Prescribe | Choose the smallest sustainable practice. Specify cue, frequency, duration, support, and visible evidence. Explain the research carefully as support—not certainty. | Select the practice, calendar it, and identify the witness or environmental support. |
| 82–90 | Covenant | Ask: “What will you do, by when, who will know, and what proof will exist?” Read the safety boundary before closing in prayer. | State one commitment, one witness, one due date, and one piece of evidence. Rate confidence 0–10; shrink the plan if below 7. |
Why the practice can work
Why safety precedes learning
In a field study of 51 work teams, psychological safety was associated with learning behavior and helped explain team performance. The coaching implication is simple: candor grows when interpersonal risk is handled with dignity and curiosity.
Read the primary source →Edmondson (1999), Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383
Thirty-day prescription
Practice until it becomes available under pressure.
Within 24 hours of important tension
Use FACT for one clarity conversation.
Evidence: Date, opening words, agreement, and review date.
After each conversation
Send a brief written recap: ownership, standard, support, date.
Evidence: Copy of the recap with sensitive details redacted.
Care + scope boundary
Power differences matter. Follow HR, church, legal, and safeguarding processes where appropriate. Never use a coaching script to investigate abuse or retaliate against dissent.
Monthly evidence review
Measure formation in real life.
Private reflection
What are you withholding to manage how you are perceived?
Source lineage
Original SLS facilitation design synthesized from Mike Signorelli’s books and leadership frameworks. Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, used by permission. All rights reserved.